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Tuesday, November 18th, 2025

Subject:Thank you
Time:2:57 am.
Well, the end. This will be the last entry in this journal. It has had an immeasurable impact on my life, both with what I've written, who I've kept in touch with, and who I've met in the past two and a half years. I will always be available to keep in touch, paulnm a-circle gmail, and I want you to know that you are all my friends with whom I have shared and grown up alongside in a way I never thought I could with so many wonderful people. I'll miss making you laugh the most. I had this great Onion spoof in mind about a guy who complained a succubus just sorta laid there and really wasn't worth it, but I guess you can only spoof satire so much until you really start to question... Well, you know. Of course, I had to end this all with one last rambling sentence.

Anyway. Thank you so much for reading.

From the Archives of Nightplayer: Collapse )
53 got down with they bad self.

Thursday, January 26th, 2017

Subject:I've had a Master's degree
Time:4:43 pm.
for three and half years now. I work in a techie job and have a very close partner of three years and counting. We live together in a small house with a small garden, still in Los Angeles. For the last two years, I've been writing a fantasy novel. I hope to finish it before summer. It's not my first novel, but it's the first one I feel is good enough to publish. I have some awards in music composition now, and I occasionally front a band that plays my songs in noisy bars. Hope you're all doing fabulously.
with they bad self.

Friday, July 6th, 2012

Time:3:25 am.
To earning my master's degree in music composition and vocal performance. CalArts is producing a full-length musical I wrote. The workshop goes up sometime during fall semester. One more year.
with they bad self.

Wednesday, January 18th, 2012

Subject:Stop SOPA
Time:12:47 pm.
My site is on 24 hour blackout in protest of SOPA.

Sign Google's petition here.

Grad school is going great :)

Take care.
with they bad self.

Saturday, June 12th, 2010

Subject:My new fancy blog-thing.
Time:11:13 am.
Hi there! If you miss the glory days of me whining on this old blog, by all means, listen to me whine on the new one: http://www.paulmatthis.com/!

You can also listen to music, read articles, and get actual helpful information on it, but for the love of Krishna don't let anyone know that.
with they bad self.

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

Subject:Writing again.
Time:6:52 pm.
After a long spell of not at all, I'm writing again. I finally read The Dark Tower, which inspired me to read On Writing, after which I wrote a novella. Dad read that and recommended Scene & Structure by Jack M. Bickham, and while reading that I got an idea for a full length novel. Since this blog is in large part to thank/blame for developing my own writing style, I thought you guys should know. So thanks.
with they bad self.

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Subject:You heard it here first.
Time:11:14 am.
I'm unemployed and living off my tax return and working on a new project. It's a rock opera/musical thing called Lunatic Sun and so far I'm loving it.

Besides that not much to report. My love life is nil and I know I can't keep going like I have been but I just don't know what else to do besides keep working until something else occurs to me.

This is my repentance,
That was a hell
Of a run-on sentence,
I hope you're all well.

with they bad self.

Monday, September 21st, 2009

Subject:Welcome to the Jawshack
Time:7:07 pm.
Greetings, sinners!

My album is now available through multiple online means, including Amazon and iTunes! I am so legit now.

It's nine tracks, TRT 36:36, and I've listened to it about a thousand times and I'm still not sick of it. I'm really proud and if any of y'all want to check it out, give a listen, give feedback, maybe even purchase a track or nine, that'd be peachy creamy. I'm saving up all the money I'm not making off these sales to make pretty pretty packaging for physical CDs to send to everyone in the world.

It's been a long ride and this is a big step for me. Enjoy the music, and keep it folky.

with they bad self.

Friday, August 21st, 2009

Subject:Twilight Crashers
Time:1:11 pm.
So I finished the promo, right, and I took a weekend off to veg and play video games. I played this silly game called Castle Crashers for like 8 hours on Saturday, and it has a lot of little cute knights and demons and princesses and things with big heads and bright colors.

That night I dreamt that characters from this adorable little game were shooting the scene from the Twilight Zone where William Shatner sees the gremlin on the airplane wing! They were all crappily animated but had real voices, walking back and forth on the wing/going cutesy mad in the cabin. The director yelled, "Cut! I need more Shatner!" So the little green knight playing him started doing his perfect Shatner impression: "There's... somethingonthewing... some... THING........ ON THE WING!!"

with they bad self.

Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

Subject:"I Should Be In Bed Instead"
Time:3:17 am.
Life is very hectic and I should be asleep.
I'm trying to entice a sanger to record without sounding like a creep.
I'm very close to finishing my promo and sending it out to master.
Things are going quickly but could prolly go much faster.
I've got some good friends but I'm mostly pretty broke,
Probably a bit more so than the last time we spoke.
Still, it feels nice to continue liking something you've finished,
Usually after not-so-long love for old projects gets diminished.
I guess it's a good thing to feel your passion blossom,
Plus if we get public health care that'll be super awesome.

with they bad self.

Thursday, July 9th, 2009

Subject:Writer's Block: My Ideal Life Ten Years from Now…
Time:2:00 pm.
What does your ideal lifestyle look like 10 years from now?

I have a house with a recording studio and a garden, and I make music with many talented people.
2 got down with they bad self.

Saturday, July 4th, 2009

Subject:Love & Photons
Time:3:18 pm.
Since you asked, what inspires me is the usual: hardship, dreams, girls... Mostly girls, though.

I don't think it's possible for the female persuasion to understand just how much I owe them as a musician. They do it just by being awesome and by talking to me and helping me to understand how their brains work, which is way more interesting than how mine does.

In nature, there is always a starting point at the very smallest magnitude. There is no edge of the universe, but there is an exact center. You can move in positive or negative numbers approaching infinity, but you start at zero. The only true roof we've got is the speed of light, which is really fast and leaves us with quite a bit of leg room, honestly.

Now, light is made up of photons, which are poetic. They are probably the fundamental building blocks of the universe, but get this: They're both a particle and a wave. At the same time. Imagine you are a two dimensional figure on a sheet of paper on a coffee table, and someone is holding a coffee cup above you. When it is right above you, it looks like a circle. When they are pouring it off to the side, it looks like a rectangle. "My God!" you cry in 2D, "That shape is both a circle and a rectangle!" That is how we see the photon. (We may discuss 2D God in a later article.)

Also in nature, the basic motivation that drives all life, "Survive!" (thank you L. Ron "Coconuts" Hubbard), which means you gotta procreate. To be human is to be aware, so we have to find a reason to do so, which is love.

Now, there are many differences between men and women and people in general, but when you get down to it the starting point for human existence is love and sex at the same time. I have run this by several female friends of mine and they generally agree: While each gender understands both if they think about it, men see the rectangle and women see the circle, if you know what I mean. One sees the particle photon, one sees the wave, but both are searching for a what makes light happen.

I love sex, and I sex love, and I owe it to the women in my life who have helped me understand what love is throughout the years. At that tiny quantum of struggle between the wave and the particle, that's where my music happens, and I just wanted to thank the women in my life for being beautiful like that.
with they bad self.

Sunday, June 21st, 2009

Subject:The Death of Autotune
Time:12:54 am.
And not a moment too soon, let me tell you. Jay-Z to the rescue! Up up and away! Finally this bunch of no-talent, can't sing, can't rap hacks have been condemned by a voice with enough pull to make a difference. Because, seriously, the music scene right now is even more embarassing than usual.

Incidentally, I am updating this from my new G1 from my little studio and it is sort of the most wonderful thing since the smoke signal. Which, btw, was my chosen method of outside world interaction pre-G1. Support open source.

My old phone died horribly along the lines of a protestor in Iran or an ant at a young detectives convention, so i am noticeably without many phone digits. Feel free to remedy this if so inclined.
1 got down with they bad self.

Sunday, June 14th, 2009

Subject:Riots in Iran
Time:4:36 am.
Riots in Iran over rigged election results.

And I had to find this out from reddit. I know it's breaking, but come the fuck on.
with they bad self.

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

Subject:Lysandra's Aunt
Time:5:30 pm.
If any of you are going to Bonnaroo this year, may I humbly suggest you see Raphael Saadiq, a really wonderful singer of classic soul. That way you can make me jealous and slightly want to be you, and have a good time while doing it.


Lysandra's Aunt

Very nice lady. Her job: she gives this test at high schools in LA county for everyone's favorite, No Child Left Behind. They systematically issue passes to kids excusing them from class so they can walk across school and take a proficiency exam.

What they found was (surprise!) students used the passes to skip school or hand out somewhere else on campus instead of take the proficiency test. She was so shocked! A direct quote from her to me: "When you're told to do something, you do it."

What she meant was, "When an authority tells you to do something, you do it." If a homeless person came up to Lysandra's Aunt and told her to take a test, she would cross the street to avoid it. If her boss asked her of it, test taken, no hesitation.

But! She didn't even make the distinction. It's against her wiring. It never so much as occured to her that students might question the validity of an authority telling them to take a test that does not contribute to graduation credits. This test truancy problem occured at every level at every public institution at which the test was administered. Without fail, which is proof that her world outlook is provably incorrect.

The truant students themselves based their actions on one of two things: habit or evidence. Habitually absent students rarely think through the consequences. They merely snag any possible opportunity to skip. The latter group, the evidence seekers, saw the signs and made a decision. They can't be punished by a third party institution. All that happens is they get another summons to take the test (this time, hopefully, escorted) and maybe grumblings from faculty. Will this affect grade? References? Almost certainly not.

Even Lysandra's Aunt complains about the ineffectiveness of No Child Left Behind, so the personal benefit to the truant students is highly questionable. Still, she is highly contemptuous of the students who skipped out on her testing. Why? After further questioning, I discovered the answer: It makes her look bad.

That's right. They keep a tight watch on each program director's numbers. That's why she's so vile towards the skippers in conversation. Personal gain. Admitting that her program is a joke. And it never even occured to her to think this through, because questioning that means questioning her basis for income and ultimately survival and justification for existence.

Lysandra's Aunt is on a lot of meds. All evidence points to her basic tenets of existence as being trivial and meaningless. That, and the underlying fear of being viewed by an imaginary crowd as a failure.

Authority: a classic example of Richard Dawkins' bad reasons for believing. Lysandra's Aunt is old and pretty much stuck, so all I can say is, don't become her. Don't be afraid to question yourself on the most basic levels. That's all, thanks.
with they bad self.

Saturday, June 6th, 2009

Time:12:11 pm.
Instead of going to another awesome desert party like I should, I holed up in my studio this weekend to learn Max/MSP, which is depressing twice because I only have it for 29 more days, after which it will cost $700 which I quite obviously cannot afford.

The program itself is quite elegant, though, and opens up possibilities way, way way over my head, which is awesome. I'm in a library right now downloading looping patches which may or may not work.

It did have a nice, simplistic explanation of binaural rhythms hidden in the tutorials:
Philosophical tangent: It can be shown mathematically and empirically that when two sinusoidal tones are added, their interference pattern recurs at a rate equal to the difference in their frequencies. This apparently explains why we hear beats; the amplitude demonstrably varies at the difference rate. However, if you listen to this patch through headphones—so that the two tones never have an opportunity to interfere mathematically, electrically, or in the air—you still hear the beats! This phenomenon, known as binaural beats is caused by ‘interference’ occurring in the nervous system. Although such interference is of a very different physical nature than the interference of sound waves in the air, we experience it as similar. An experiment like this demonstrates that our auditory system actively shapes the world we hear.

Plain English: When you put two sine waves together whose frequencies are slightly off, like at 1000 Hz and 1002 Hz, it makes a rhythmic wave pattern because the waves regularly reinforce and diminish each other. We hear this as a steady beat. When you separate those two frequencies and play one in each ear, we still hear the beat through our nervous system even though the waves never had a chance to interact out in the real world.

Neat, huh? It also is very comforting to learn an utterly new way to think about computer music at this stage. This program has been around for years, but it's gotten accessible enough now (price tag notwithstanding) for the likes of I to grok.

I blasted through the Max programming language tutorial yesterday, which took something like 10 hours, and today got up to the MSP basics review, which is about halfway. It's getting into sound building, which I think is beyond my scope right now. So I came to download a looping patch called lloopp and buy some blank DVDs with which to burn Reason, because Max now supports Rewire. Which is also weird and awesome. Next week, I hope to know this software well enough to perform with, because that's when I plan to build my new MIDI controller, after which I'll have about 20 more days to make $700 appear out of my ass. Wee!
with they bad self.

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

Time:11:36 am.
with they bad self.

Time:2:14 am.
There is this wonderful, wonderful thing happening. Ever since Prop 8 passed, the worldwide outrage has fueled a "Legalize Gay" brush fire across the board. Six states legalized since the election, with all eyes turning to California in a definite, "So there!"

It's strange how awful things can fuel awesome ones. It makes me happy.
with they bad self.

Saturday, May 30th, 2009

Subject:Your Radioactive Experience!
Time:5:14 pm.
I promised myself that by my birthday I would have a new, self-produced demo to show people. We're working on the drums, but here are the 3 new songs so far:

Electric Strawberry

Welcome To the Jawshack


The big booming bass on Jawshack makes me very happy. Happy like... A BIRTHDAY!

Oh, snap.
with they bad self.

Friday, May 29th, 2009

Subject:The Day the Ocean Became the Sky
Time:9:56 am.
It was February 1, 2009 when the ocean flipped upside-down and covered the sky from one pole to the other.

Arturo Sandoval was one of the lucky few not quite dozing on the beach at 3:45 a.m. on the money, PST. He said later, "Better than the movies."

Of course, farmers at first thought it a cloudy, thunderous morning. Soon, all planes were immediately grounded (at least those not already grounded accidentally) with more than a few nods to the newly meaningful term "airship."

Cell phones, European TVs, and communications with satellites both commercial and secret went out. Luckily, many television signals in America survived, causing Time Warner to dole out a slew of congratulatory layoffs. In fact, so utterly was proof of the far out sky gone many wondered if, rather than the ocean become the sky, the earth had not flipped inside-out instead.

With Valentine's Day not two weeks away, many the romantic's plans seemed put on hold indefinitely without the twinkling stars under which to whisper sweet nothings. The more adaptable soon realized, however, that a sunset seen glowing through the diamond shaped crisscrossings one sees at the bottom of the pool would be more than sweet-nothings-worthy.

This same bottom-of-the-pool sensation gave more than one careful mother pause regarding what times their beloved children were now allowed to eat, simply out of reflex.

After several days, the sense of wonderment at the new sea sky passed. People got on with their daily lives as best the could. The sailors went back to school. The Coast Guard reintegrated. The satellites connections were fixed and everyone decided the moon wasn't all that great anyway. Oh, it rained more, which was good for some and bad for others. Most of Africa rejoiced, most of New Orleans just gave up and left. The Netherlands, somehow, persisted.

The legal troubles soon set in. The former oceans had been international, so when J. Arthur Murray made the first claim to purchase a significant portion of the Marianas Trench and half the former Indian, well, the proverbial shit hit the proverbial fan.

With two-thirds of the planet now suddenly viable real estate, a land war ensued to rival even the Falkland War of the late 1900s. While some stragglers had taken the plunge to their deaths (mostly seagulls and goldfish) the marine biosphere had done a pretty bang up job of picking up and skedaddling up to the sky with the rest of the water. The cleanup was minimal. Add to that the legends of buried treasure or the secrets of the Bermuda Triangle and prices skyrocketed.

The whole affair got so messy a large auction was finally held by several major world powers at the base of the Tonga Trench known as Horizon Deep. A larger conglomeration of the affluent, wealthy, and just plain filthy rich had never before been seen. Sultans showed up in caravans. A makeshift landing strip was double parked with private jets, some of which had not officially been invented yet. The smell of cigar smoke hung heavy in the humid, miles-below-former-sea-level air.

Most of the normal world was watching on their fiber optically connected television sets when, on Friday, February 13 at 3:45 p.m. on the money PST, the ocean fell back to the earth and crushed every last one of them at the bottom of the sea. Most of the world had forgotten how nice the moon looked at its fullest, and the following night the lovers sighed beneath the twinkling stars and made love.

Arturo Sandoval, his biggest worries now gone forever, sat on the beach and took the hand of his girlfriend, Isabel. Into her ear he whispered, "Best Valentine's Day ever."

The End
with they bad self.

LiveJournal for Paul.

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